


The Secrets We Keep

by InfernumLilith



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Declarations Of Love, F/F, Fluffy maybe?, Friendship/Love, Jealousy, Rolivia, SVU - Freeform, Secrets, determined!Olivia, dramatic a bit, frustrated!Amanda, matchmaker!Fin, romantic feelings, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29981595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InfernumLilith/pseuds/InfernumLilith
Summary: At times, feelings of jealousy frustrate Amanda to no end. She ends up making risky decisions which usually result to arguments with a none the wiser Olivia. When the Captain decides to investigate, she uncovers Amanda's secret with the help of Detective Fin Tutuola. Olivia's secret is being uncovered out of necessity.First Rolivia/SVU fic!
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Amanda Rollins
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	The Secrets We Keep

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you will like it! I know I do!   
> Enjoy!

“Rollins!” The harsh but slightly worried voice stopped Amanda’s actions for a fraction of a second.

“Captain.” The blonde sighed and resumed the gathering of her stuff from her locker.

Olivia stopped a few feet away from Amanda and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What are you doing?”

The brunette was staring at the detective intensely, waiting for Amanda to look at her but the blonde refused. “What does it look like? Leaving. I am transferring.” She shrugged without a care in a world.

To say that Olivia’s heart was caught in her throat would be an understatement. Her blood ran cold at Amanda’s words. “Is this about the discussion in my office?” Olivia lifted her hand running her fingers through her hair, feelings of frustration bubbling in her. “I wouldn’t call that berating a discussion, but whatever makes you sleep at night.” The blonde scoffed. “And no. That’s not the reason.”

“What then?”

“I can’t do this anymore.” Amanda snapped and tossed her notebook back into the locker room causing Olivia to flinch. That earned quite a few looks from the rest of the people in the room. Olivia didn’t fail to notice. She wrapped her fingers around Amanda’s wrist and pulled her to her office shutting the curious eyes and ears out.

“You want to tell me what’s wrong?”

Amanda sighed and sat on Olivia’s couch. “I just can’t do this job anymore.” Amanda muttered. She rested her elbows on her knees and buried her fingers in her hair.

Olivia was quite shocked by that statement. She took a seat next to the blonde detective. She placed her hand on her back. “Is this about your last case? The risky mistake that almost cost you your life?”

“It’s about all of the mistakes, Olivia. Apparently, I’ve put myself in danger over and over again without considering the consequences; your words, not mine.” Amanda scoffed. “If I am such a horrible detective, I shouldn’t be in this job.”

Olivia was alarmed by Amanda’s pessimism. It wasn’t the first time Olivia berated the detective about the risky way she was handling some of her cases, so she couldn’t understand the sudden outburst.

“Amanda, I’ve never said you are a horrible detective. In fact you are one of my best ones.” Olivia shook her head in disbelief. It didn’t make any sense. There was something else hiding behind Amanda’s behavior and she was going to get to the bottom of it. Olivia Benson was a great Captain and it was certainly not because of the lack of detective skills.

“I am tired of letting you down, Captain.” Amanda raised her head and looked at Olivia through sad eyes.

“You have never let me down, Amanda. Not once. The only reason I am having this conversation over and over again is because I care about you and your daughters. I don’t want to see you get hurt because of risky decision making on your part.”

Amanda scoffed and rolled her eyes at that. “Yeah. I know. You care about the members of your squad.” Amanda stood up and paced around Olivia’s office.

Olivia’s brows furrowed. She inspected Amanda’s facial expressions and body language closely while she paced. “You are not just a member of my squad. You are my best friend.” The Captain argued.

“ _That’s the problem_.” Amanda muttered through her teeth.

If Olivia wasn’t watching Amanda like a hawk she would have missed that little quiet statement. What did Amanda mean by that? She was hiding something and Olivia would be damned if she didn’t get to the bottom of this.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Amanda froze. “N-nothing. N-never mind. I’ll be back tomorrow for my shift. Don’t worry. I overreacted.” She stuttered but before Olivia had time to react or respond to that, Amanda had bolted. Olivia watched through the blinds how Amanda grabbed her jacket and disappeared from the precinct. She leaned back to the couch letting out a heavy sigh.

The brunette racked her brain in an attempt to make sense of Amanda’s words. No matter how hard she tried though, all her attempts were proven futile.

“What was that about?” Fin asked pulling Olivia away from her thoughts.

“Hell if I know.” She raised her hand in a frustrated motion while Fin joined her on the couch.

“I don’t know what has gotten into her lately. I’ve tried talking to her but I got nowhere.”

“Wanna walk me through it?” Fin suggested. Olivia thought about it for a few seconds. She didn’t see the harm in sharing the incident with her friend. He might be able to help her after all. If there was someone who knew Amanda well enough, if not as well as Olivia, that was her partner, Fin Tutuola. Which was why a few minutes later, the two had found themselves into a deep discussion after Olivia recounted the conversation she had with Amanda. By the end a secretive smile had spread on Fin’s lips.

“What, Fin?”

He shook his head in amusement earning him a soft slap on the shoulder by Olivia. “Stop being so secretive and tell me.”

“I had a feeling about this since last year.”

“About what?” Olivia, ever the curious one, wondered out loud while the Detective chuckled. “Tutuola, stop messing with me, I swear to God!”

The detective chuckled at Olivia’s impatient. “Remember last year, when Alex Cabot paid as a visit?” Fin smirked as if he had solved the crime of the century.

Olivia’s brows furrowed for the hundredth time that day. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

Tutuola rolled his eyes in frustration. He couldn’t believe how thick his friend could get sometimes. “For a cop you can be really blind sometimes, Benson. You had happily left with her for a lunch date.” Olivia was about to interrupt him to ask what the hell that had to do with everything but Fin held his hand up to stop him. “Amanda was presented with that children kidnapping case after you left. She was investigating a lead later that day and found herself in an abandoned building. She had heard shouting and crying and had rushed in without thinking and without back up. She got quite an earful from you.” The brunette slowly nodded but she was still quite confused about it. “Yes, and?”

“Didn’t you mention you were having a date tonight? In front of her this morning? While talking to Sonny?” Fin watched while his friend was finally (and hopefully) put the pieces together. She stopped and worked through the facts trying to wrap her mind around the new information.

“She is jealous?” “She is jealous.” They said in unison.

“But why?”

“Goddammit Olivia!” he exclaimed frustrated. “For the same reason you were jealous of her relationships. The reason is fairly obvious. I am surprised how you didn’t pick up on it sooner.”

Seconds seemed to tick by with a stunned Olivia staring at Fin. It was as if a switch had turned on with memories flooding her mind. Every time she got jealous, the behavior towards Amanda had become a bit too abrupt, causing her to snap at her and argue. It matched Amanda’s own behavior at times. Fin was right.

Olivia jumped as if she had been electrocuted. “Thanks, Fin!” she flew out of the office not caring when the people eyed her confused.

“Women…” Fin shook his head frustrated and amused at the same time.

A sharp knock startled Amanda out of her trance. She had just put the girls to sleep and had poured herself a glass of wine. Wine, misery and thinking was on Amanda’s schedule for the night, but when the knock came, she couldn’t say that she wasn’t expecting it.

She placed the glass on the table and headed for the door. There was no surprise on Amanda’s face when she looked through the peephole. The door opened and Olivia’s full of questions eyes came into view.

“I knew you wouldn’t back out so easily. Come in, Captain.” Amanda left the door open and collapsed on the couch wine in hand.

Olivia stared at Amanda noticing how the blonde avoided looking at her. At times Olivia thought how helpful would it be if she could read people’s mind. But, of course, life wasn’t that easy.

“Girls sleeping?” She asked catching Amanda’s eyes flickering towards her for a second.

“Yes.”

“Good because we need to talk.” Olivia removed her coat tossing it over a chair and joined Amanda on the couch. A worried and anxious gaze was directed to Olivia. Amanda scoffed and tried to hide it. “And it couldn’t wait until tomorrow? I thought you had a date.”

Bingo! That didn’t take long. Olivia grabbed the wine glass earning her a whine from Amanda. She cleaned the glass in one large sip and placed it on the table.

“You are more important than some date. Which is why I am here.” Olivia turned fully towards Amanda and took her hands into her own.

Amanda sighed and rolled her eyes. “Because I am your best friend, I know.”

“Among other things.” Olivia shrugged confusing the blonde detective completely. “Now. Do you want to tell me the real reason behind that outburst in the Squadroom?”

“I already told you about that.” Amanda pulled away and stood up placing some distance between her and her Captain.

“And I am calling bullshit. Try again.” Amanda was getting pissed with the way Olivia was pressuring her into confessing. The brunette knew exactly what buttons to push but Amanda was clueless at what she was trying to achieve.

“There is nothing else!” The blonde threw her arms up in frustration but tried to keep her voice down in an attempt to not wake up the girls. Olivia smirked knowingly. The fear of Olivia fading out flashed in Amanda’s eyes. Now it was the time for Olivia to throw the question on the table.

“So you were not jealous?” Amanda’s left eye twitched at the word jealous. “Why would I be jealous of you dating?” Amanda turned her back to her friend trying to hide her face. Apparently Olivia could read her like the back of her hand.

“I never suggested that this was the reason behind your jealousy.” The brunette’s whisper was close. Too close. Amanda’s back stiffened. She hadn’t even noticed when Olivia came to stand right behind her. Busted! “Amanda?” The brunette whispered again; the warmth of her breath hitting the back of Amanda’s neck even with her hair covering it. She pulled on Amanda’s shoulder gently forcing her to turn around.

There were tears in Amanda’s eyes. Tears that broke Olivia’s heart. “I am sorry. I’m sorry, Liv. I tried to stop it. I tried to fight it.” Amanda breathed deeply starting her rant with tears falling freely by now. Years of carrying that secret and true feelings inside finally lifted a heavy weight off her shoulders, but it only added the extra weight of risking Olivia’s friendship.  
“I know.” Olivia muttered.

“I couldn’t tell you. How could I? I didn’t wanna risk losing my best friend for something I should have fought.”

“Amanda, I know-” Olivia cut in in an attempt to stop the blonde’s ramblings but Amanda didn’t hear her. She was in too deep.

“I was fighting my feelings every day I came to work.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You won’t lose me.”

“Every time you were in danger my heart stopped and my breath was caught in my throat.” She took a choked breath completely ignoring or at least not being able to focus on what Liv was saying.

Olivia tugged Amanda to her and kissed her. A strangled gasp escaped from the blonde’s throat at the shock of being kissed by her best friend. Olivia pulled back slowly looking into a pair of blue desperate eyes. Lean fingers were pressed against pink lips which still tingled from the kiss.

“Why did you do this?” The blonde whispered.

“Because once you get started, nothing can stop you.” Olivia chuckled. “And because I am in love with you too.” Olivia stared straight into blue eyes when she confessed her own feelings. Amanda, on the other side, didn’t say a word.

“Amanda Rollins speechless. I’ll be damned.” The brunette teased her but, of course, it was another way of pushing Amanda’s buttons and snapping her out of the shock. It worked like a charm. One second the blonde is staring speechless and the next Olivia finds herself against the wall and is being kissed intensely. She kissed her like there was no tomorrow; with a need to feel close and to show her how much she had been holding inside. The heat rose in Olivia’s cheeks as Amanda’s tongue teased at her lips, until Olivia’s tongue pushed back in a heated battle. Hands grabbing on each other urgently. The brunette didn’t even notice the way her body was being pressed hard against the wall.

When the need for air became urgent the kiss turned softer. Lips brushed lips softly, delicately, both women feeling each other’s warmth and buzzed with excitement.

Eyes fluttered open looking at each other. Olivia raised a hand and wiped away the tear tracks from Amanda’s cheeks. The blonde seemed unable to speak at the time being, so Olivia pulled her to the couch. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

A few minutes of comfortable silence passed between them until Amanda’s small voice was freed. “It’s been 6 years. That’s how long I’ve been keeping this a secret.”

“That makes two of us.” Olivia chuckled looking down at their intertwined fingers. “Thank God, Fin is a good detective and helped me crack our case.”

Amanda’s eyebrows furrowed. “I can’t believe he told you. He promised to keep it a secret.”

“No, he just gave me a push to the right direction.” Olivia paused. “Wait. You mean to tell me that he knew?”

“Well yeah.” The blonde nodded. “I told him two years ago. To be exact, he kind of interrogated it out of me.”

Olivia shook her head, mildly frustrated. “Oh I see a lot of paperwork in his future.” She threatened in a dangerous tone.

“Judging by the outcome, I believe we should be the ones doing his paperwork.” Amanda countered.

“Can’t argue with that.” She chuckled.

Olivia’s chuckle was music to Amanda’s ears. It was so rare at times and the blonde had always attempted to make Olivia laugh or smile in the past, especially when the brunette had a really bad day. It was with that thought that she realized. There were no secrets between them anymore; no reason to avoid the brunette or get jealous of dates and past relationships. The weight had been lifted off her shoulders completely. Amanda glanced into the pair of warm dark brown eyes. “Is this really happening?”

“It finally is.” Olivia placed her hand on Amanda’s cheek and brushed her thumb against the soft skin.

And with these words, the two women closed the remaining distance between them and knew that everything was going to be alright now.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how it happened honestly...  
> One minute I caught the show on TV, the next I started shipping hard.  
> I've started watching from the beginning and I am still on season 6. The characters might be a bit Out of Character because of that but I had to get this story out of my mind.  
> I don't have enough information about their pasts so if it seemed that I ignored something important it's because I don't know it yet xD  
> Share your thoughts with me?  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
